...but this one looked like fun, so, indulge me for a moment, OK?
A- available or single? Der.
B- best friend? 2x4, J, whoever gives me a good tip.
C- cake or pie? Warm apple pie with vanilla ice cream. Or blueberry. Or Key Lime. Or pecan.
D- drink of choice? Alcohol.
E- essential item I use every day: Deodorant. Otherwise, I wouldn't have any friends. I sweat. Secret is Ph balanced for chicks like me.
F- favorite color? Is it possible to have a favorite color? I like the combination of sage green and yellow, and the combination of red and purple. This is a dumb question.
G- gummy bears or gummy worms? Neither, how about I just chew on some sugar coated candle wax? Mmmm.
H- hometown? Yeah, like I'm gonna tell you that.
I- indulgence? Anything chocolate. And organic, fair trade products. It's expensive being ethically and environmentally aware.
J- january or february? What the hell kind of question is that?
K-kid's names: Judy and Peter. You know, from Jumanji? The brother and sister with active imaginations that get into and out of all sorts of trouble together? Yeah, that's our kids.
L- life is incomplete without? Good wine, romantic evenings, friends and family, sunny days, and oxygen.
M- marriage date: THIS SUMMER!
N- number of siblings: This is complicated. Technically? 1 half sibbling, and 3 step stibblings. Truthfully? A sister. She's all that counts.
O- oranges or apples? Apples, with sharp cheese. Oooh...and they make a great grilled sandwich together too, on multi-grain bread, or sourdough!
P- phobias or fears? Drowning. Heights. Spiders. Driving long distances alone and getting lost.
Q- favorite quote? "I do not believe in the creed professed be the Jewish church, by the Roman church, by the Greek church, nor by any church that I know of. My mind is my own church. Sin lies only in hurting others unnecessarily. All other "sins" are invented nonsense." -Robert A. Heinlein
R- reasons to smile? Farts. Farts are funny. Well, except when the smell lingers for too long, then the humor seems to decrease.
S- season? Autumn. Summer's a close second. Spring's too soggy and winter's too damn cold.
T- tag: Nobody. Tagging is stupid unless you're in elementary school and running around on the playground.
U- unknown fact about me: I could not tell you the location of all the contiguous United States, but I could list them for you alphabetically on demand.
V- vegetable you don’t like: peas, brussells sprouts and lima beans. What's the point of any of those? They're all NASTY.
W- worst habit: Procrastination. Why do today what you can put off for tomorrow? That's my motto.
Y- your favorite food? If I had to narrow it down to one thing: Chocolate. However, food is one of those things that life would be much less enjoyable without. The key is in variety, and trying new things.
Z- zodiac? The big dipper. ;-)
Wasn't that fun?
Monday, January 29, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Dumb-Ass
Lets say that you go out to a restaurant for lunch. Then, let's say that you leave your $300 sunglasses behind on the table with your doggie bagged food. Let's say that your server then puts both the food and the sunglasses aside and assumes you'll be back for them. Then we'll assume that you didn't come back right away (didn't notice that these things were missing until the next day) and when you call the restaurant they've lost your glasses. They were put aside but apparently someone swiped them.
Is this the restaurant's fault? Or maybe, just MAYBE it comes down to personal accountability. Maybe, instead of calling the restaurant 5 times a day every day, pulling strings with your state trooper husband who has the waitress come down to the station to make a statement and practially accuses her of stealing the prescious commodity that is your eyewear (the very eyewear that you LEFT BEHIND), maybe, just maybe, you could accept the fact that you screwed up. You made the mistake of leaving your beloved sunglasses on a table in a restaurant and didn't notice when you stepped back out into the sun that your eyes hurt. Yeah, it sucks, but let's face it, with your husband's trooper salary, you can afford a new pair. And if you can't, maybe this should be a lesson to you. If you're incapable of taking care of your stuff, buy cheaper stuff. Loser.
Is this the restaurant's fault? Or maybe, just MAYBE it comes down to personal accountability. Maybe, instead of calling the restaurant 5 times a day every day, pulling strings with your state trooper husband who has the waitress come down to the station to make a statement and practially accuses her of stealing the prescious commodity that is your eyewear (the very eyewear that you LEFT BEHIND), maybe, just maybe, you could accept the fact that you screwed up. You made the mistake of leaving your beloved sunglasses on a table in a restaurant and didn't notice when you stepped back out into the sun that your eyes hurt. Yeah, it sucks, but let's face it, with your husband's trooper salary, you can afford a new pair. And if you can't, maybe this should be a lesson to you. If you're incapable of taking care of your stuff, buy cheaper stuff. Loser.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Here's Why I'm Not in Science
At about 1:40 this morning the alarm in the living room began screeching. I hopped out of bed, adrenaline flowing, to see what was going on...expecting smoke or some such. By the time I got to the living room the alarm had stopped, and there were no signs of fire. Moments later 2x4 yelled from the bedroom, "What is it?" By this time I had decided there was no imminent danger and was mid way through bladder relief, because if I'm gonna have to get dressed and get out the door quickly, I need an empty bladder. "I don't know" was my intellectual response from the throne.
Then I went back to bed, asked 2x4 if the alarm is a carbon monoxide detector or a fire alarm. He didn't know, turned off the furnace, and went to back to sleep in .02 seconds, just enough time to mutter, "Well, at least if we die, we'll die together." Great.
So I spent the next 2 hours wide awake in bed trying to recall if it's carbon monoxide or dioxide that's the deadly gas. I couldn't remember this basic tid-bit of high school chemistry knowledge and it was keeping me awake. When I first went to college, it was as a science major. I was going to go into environmental science and save the world. Then I took Chem. 101 and within two weeks of the first class changed my major to liberal arts. I just couldn't wrap my artistic brain around the concept of letters and their little number buddies representing atoms and elements and such. Don't EVEN get me started on calculus! The area beneath a curve? You're KILLIN' me! Ask me who painted "Scream" (No, it wasn't Van Gough!) but don't ask me if the tasteless, odorless, faceless gas that is potentially going to kill me while I sleep has one or two Oxygens. I. Don't. Know.
This morning I decided to make biscotti. (Yes we survived the evening, it seems as though the alarm simply wanted us to be aware of its presence and had a little melt down. The alarm once again feels appreciated and has calmed itself). Anyway, I LOVE biscotti. We have a local bakery that charges 2 bucks a slice and I've decided that's too damn much, so I'm making some.
Except, I couldn't figure out how much 1/3 a cup of butter was in terms of conveniently portioned tablespoons drawn on the label of my butter stick. I actually had to ask 2x4 to do the math for me. He took a knife to the stick and handed me a chunk.
"I'm not retarded, you know!"
"I never said you were." Was his calm, loving reply.
I guess I'll just go sip my coffee and eat my biscotti while I make the world pretty with my art. I'll leave the hard math and science to others. Maybe that's why they charge two dollars a slice...all that hard math.
Then I went back to bed, asked 2x4 if the alarm is a carbon monoxide detector or a fire alarm. He didn't know, turned off the furnace, and went to back to sleep in .02 seconds, just enough time to mutter, "Well, at least if we die, we'll die together." Great.
So I spent the next 2 hours wide awake in bed trying to recall if it's carbon monoxide or dioxide that's the deadly gas. I couldn't remember this basic tid-bit of high school chemistry knowledge and it was keeping me awake. When I first went to college, it was as a science major. I was going to go into environmental science and save the world. Then I took Chem. 101 and within two weeks of the first class changed my major to liberal arts. I just couldn't wrap my artistic brain around the concept of letters and their little number buddies representing atoms and elements and such. Don't EVEN get me started on calculus! The area beneath a curve? You're KILLIN' me! Ask me who painted "Scream" (No, it wasn't Van Gough!) but don't ask me if the tasteless, odorless, faceless gas that is potentially going to kill me while I sleep has one or two Oxygens. I. Don't. Know.
This morning I decided to make biscotti. (Yes we survived the evening, it seems as though the alarm simply wanted us to be aware of its presence and had a little melt down. The alarm once again feels appreciated and has calmed itself). Anyway, I LOVE biscotti. We have a local bakery that charges 2 bucks a slice and I've decided that's too damn much, so I'm making some.
Except, I couldn't figure out how much 1/3 a cup of butter was in terms of conveniently portioned tablespoons drawn on the label of my butter stick. I actually had to ask 2x4 to do the math for me. He took a knife to the stick and handed me a chunk.
"I'm not retarded, you know!"
"I never said you were." Was his calm, loving reply.
I guess I'll just go sip my coffee and eat my biscotti while I make the world pretty with my art. I'll leave the hard math and science to others. Maybe that's why they charge two dollars a slice...all that hard math.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Stuff
Be forwarned, this post will be completely random, and jump between topics that to the reader seem disjointed and unrelated. However, it will make total sense from my perspective. This is how my brain works...and there will be zillions of gramatical errors.
I have had several shots of alcohol tonight in spite of the fact that I decided a week ago this coming Monday that I will not have alcohol for a week. I didn't make it. Sometimes, you need a little something to make it through.
Why?
Because I'm still a waitress and people still suck. Oh, wait, I'm a waitress with a Bachelor's degree (I think) but I can't seem to find a job.
Why do I only think I have a degree? Well, you see, there are holds on my account. That means I owe the college money. I just put $1200 on my charge cards a couple of weeks ago to pay my tuition, but I'm thinking those damn library fees are coming back to haunt me. If I don't pay the $60 late fee for the books I never read, they'll hold my diploma (that I paid $50 for). Jerks.
So why am I drinking? Because I'm tired of being treated like trash by strangers and being forced to take it. I actually got in a customer's face tonight and sarcastically told her that it had been a pleasure waiting on her. Why? Because she was throwing my tip money back into her daughter's lap while announcing, "She doesn't deserve it!" Details: Irrelevant. I did deserve it after putting up with that heinus bitch for the length of an entire meal. (I have no idea if I spelled heinus correctly). Oh, and that waiterrant guy? No WAY is he that calm and collected all the time. NO. WAY.
How the hell do people find jobs in fields that aren't main-stream? They sure as hell didn't teach me THAT in college. The career counselors helped me write a resume and cover letter, but that's where their useful assistance ended. The director of my program spoke of 98% placement rates and such, but, um, I must be in the 2 percentile that sucks at searching for a job and is doomed to waitressdom.
Oh, and I did take a moment to contemplate the idea of losing my job tonight over that woman. I paused and reflected on how long it would take me to find a job after being fired for harassing her in the parking lot about how sorry I am that her life has been so awful that she must be cruel to perfect strangers who have done nothing to her. I decided against it. Searching for a job while you have a job is tricky enough. An unemployed job search, I imagine, would be slightly more stressful.
I waited on the proprietor of my restaurant tonight (no biggy, I do it all the time, guaranteed 20 smackers) he's in his late seventies, and somehow suckered me into a conversation about religion. That was fun. The topic of religion is RIGHT up there with politics. No, I don't like George Dubya, and yes, I'm a bleeding heart liberal who doesn't believe in organized religion. If you really want to have either conversation with me, be prepared to provide the alcohol.
Today, I seriously had a knot in my stomach because it was too warm outside for this season. Rush Limbaugh (I'm too lazy to google the proper spelling, but you all know who I'm talking about) is an asshole, global warming is real, der.
I won't put people's take out food in plastic bags becuase they're awful for the environment. I've had altercations with management about this. I win. You've gotta stand for something, right?
Well, the DiSaranno sedative is kicking in now. So, my reader, I bid you goodnight. I used to have more readers and commenters, then I stopped blogging so much, and they went away. 2x4 on the other hand is a regular blogging jock, he's got bloggers all over the place who just love his blog. It's not that I'm jealous or anything, it's just that I'm, well, jealous.
No, not really, der. It's a BLOG.
I have had several shots of alcohol tonight in spite of the fact that I decided a week ago this coming Monday that I will not have alcohol for a week. I didn't make it. Sometimes, you need a little something to make it through.
Why?
Because I'm still a waitress and people still suck. Oh, wait, I'm a waitress with a Bachelor's degree (I think) but I can't seem to find a job.
Why do I only think I have a degree? Well, you see, there are holds on my account. That means I owe the college money. I just put $1200 on my charge cards a couple of weeks ago to pay my tuition, but I'm thinking those damn library fees are coming back to haunt me. If I don't pay the $60 late fee for the books I never read, they'll hold my diploma (that I paid $50 for). Jerks.
So why am I drinking? Because I'm tired of being treated like trash by strangers and being forced to take it. I actually got in a customer's face tonight and sarcastically told her that it had been a pleasure waiting on her. Why? Because she was throwing my tip money back into her daughter's lap while announcing, "She doesn't deserve it!" Details: Irrelevant. I did deserve it after putting up with that heinus bitch for the length of an entire meal. (I have no idea if I spelled heinus correctly). Oh, and that waiterrant guy? No WAY is he that calm and collected all the time. NO. WAY.
How the hell do people find jobs in fields that aren't main-stream? They sure as hell didn't teach me THAT in college. The career counselors helped me write a resume and cover letter, but that's where their useful assistance ended. The director of my program spoke of 98% placement rates and such, but, um, I must be in the 2 percentile that sucks at searching for a job and is doomed to waitressdom.
Oh, and I did take a moment to contemplate the idea of losing my job tonight over that woman. I paused and reflected on how long it would take me to find a job after being fired for harassing her in the parking lot about how sorry I am that her life has been so awful that she must be cruel to perfect strangers who have done nothing to her. I decided against it. Searching for a job while you have a job is tricky enough. An unemployed job search, I imagine, would be slightly more stressful.
I waited on the proprietor of my restaurant tonight (no biggy, I do it all the time, guaranteed 20 smackers) he's in his late seventies, and somehow suckered me into a conversation about religion. That was fun. The topic of religion is RIGHT up there with politics. No, I don't like George Dubya, and yes, I'm a bleeding heart liberal who doesn't believe in organized religion. If you really want to have either conversation with me, be prepared to provide the alcohol.
Today, I seriously had a knot in my stomach because it was too warm outside for this season. Rush Limbaugh (I'm too lazy to google the proper spelling, but you all know who I'm talking about) is an asshole, global warming is real, der.
I won't put people's take out food in plastic bags becuase they're awful for the environment. I've had altercations with management about this. I win. You've gotta stand for something, right?
Well, the DiSaranno sedative is kicking in now. So, my reader, I bid you goodnight. I used to have more readers and commenters, then I stopped blogging so much, and they went away. 2x4 on the other hand is a regular blogging jock, he's got bloggers all over the place who just love his blog. It's not that I'm jealous or anything, it's just that I'm, well, jealous.
No, not really, der. It's a BLOG.
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