I Love Wine

No. Really. I do. And coffee. I like coffee too.

I've never been much of a substance abuser. I smoked pot once in my life and it was an awful experience that need not be repeated. Shortly after my first puff I feared that the local police knew exactly what I was up too and was scared to death that my boyfriend was going to die and I was going to spend the rest of my life in jail. All this took place while my sister and best friend sat on my couch giggling uncontrollably about god knows what which just infuriated me because they simply didn't understand that the world was ENDING.

As I said, this is an experience best not repeated.

But wine...wine is LEGAL. Now, before you go jumping to conclusions, and on the off chance that the mother of my step-children or her friends read this blog for some kind of validation that I am an awful influence...I must clarify that I don't drink often, and very rarely do I drink to the point of intoxication.

Now that we've got that out of the way, here's the truth: I'm kind of an uptight person. I take life a little too seriously and I suffer from more than my fair share of anxiety over relatively harmless nonsensical situations and such. Intellectually I understand that doing so makes me prone to heart attacks and the like, but tell that to the emotional portion of my brain that views its rational and intellectual counterpart as a naive moron that sounds something like the teacher in Peanuts. ("mwah mwah mwah."..if you catch my drift).
Now, I could take this opportunity to explain to you the psychological reasons that I have this 'anxiety problem' but that would bore the hell out of you and is not the point of this post.

No, the point of this post is that WINE fixes my uptightness and anxietyness. While I am not an alcoholic and am related to enough of them to steer clear of that path...I understand how people end up in that cycle. Wine makes me feel warm and happy. It makes the petty things in life exactly that...petty, and not worthy of a moment's worry. It makes me smile more and loosen up enough to just laugh.

This house purchasing process is slightly stress inducing. Today I called my sister and asked her how she stayed sane throughout the process of searching for her house and her response was that she drank more wine in that period of her life than she ever had before or after.

Now, for those of you who've never met my sister, let me explain: THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING. Because my sister, (remember, the girl giggling on the couch while the world was ENDING?!) drinks a LOT of wine. All the time. No, seriously. ALL THE TIME.

That having been said, I am not an alcoholic just because I drank a couple glasses of wine tonight. And, by the way, for those of you interested, I painted that beautiful watercolor you see above. And I may have been drunk at the time ;-)

There is a fog this morning which has muted all of the colors outdoors and seems to be muffling the sounds of normal early day comings and goings. My husband left early this morning for an appointment and the kids are still peacefully slumbering in their beds. The apartment is particularly quiet but for the purring of the cat who is overjoyed to have an early morning companion supplying body warmth and company.

I'm feeling a calm I haven't felt in quite a while. The pace of our lives of late has been overwhelming. I am working so much that my exhaustion and moodiness stemming from too little sleep makes me less than pleasant to be around. The stress of the fact that the children's mother is keeping the kids from us too frequently has taken a toll over the last several months. And the search for a house, recent bidding on one, and last night's phone call that our offer was accepted leaves me with mixed emotions of jubilation and terror.

This week we are vacationing, which may be defined as not working. We're relaxing, taking some family time, and not jamming our schedules with appointments and plans. So, with the kids sleeping, the cat purring, and the house quiet, my brain has been able to take a much needed and infrequently realized hiatus from constant worrying and pondering and thinking. The fog has served to blanket the frenzy of my thoughts and has forced me to just sit and be. To just enjoy the moment, to breathe, and to realize that this too shall pass. Sometimes life forces you to pause, to take a breather, to take in the majestic world around you, to see through all the crap to the beauty of any given day. And for that, and this fog, I am grateful.

Mixed Message

Funny, huh?

I wish I had a witty post for my two loyal readers, but I got nothin'. We're attempting to buy a house which, by the way, is every bit as stressful, and daunting, and time consuming and expensive as everybody says. I'm sitting here with a glass of wine and some chocolate chips waiting for a phone call from someone...I've lost track. Maybe the realtor? Maybe the mortgage broker? Maybe nobody because they've already called and my brain is so full to the brim with numbers and acronyms that my most recent interaction has simply fallen out of the back of my brain.

Either way, my ability to entertain is at a minimum. Remember when I used to write amusing and/or interesting posts? Yeah, me too. I'll get back there some day. Really. I will.

Cheesy Cheesiness

I wrote this amazing literary work while running an art therapy group the other day. I started a photography group with some of the kids I work with. The idea is to take pictures of the world from their perspective and write some kind of essay or poem about it. While the girls were writing their own works I was bored, so I flipped through pictures I had in my phone and found this photo, which inspired the moving poem you'll find below:

Dexter

I look innocent don't I?
But go ahead, look me in the eye

I'm a fierce beast
and I see your feet as a feast

When you least expect it
I'll become a big fat twit

I'll meow and howl, and when you turn your back,
that's when I'll attack

Then I'll be your friend
until we do it again.

Thank you, thank you very much.