For what are you grateful?
I can't possibly list everything. I have a whole lot to be grateful for; like the fact that I live in this country (which in turn comes with lots of specific thanks), I'm healthy, I'm happy, I'm surrounded by loving and supportive friends and family, I have a roof over my head (and always have), I have food on the table, someone once upon a time discovered the magical substance we call chocolate...but I digress.
The other day The Good Guy and I attended an event (the details are irrelevant) where his daughter took the stage. She stood in front of a room full of people (many of them family and friends) and as she stood there and I watched her glowing with comfort in the love of her family, my heart grew ten sizes. Is this what it's like to be a parent? Does being a parent mean that your heart swells inside of your chest and you feel like it is going to explode inside of you with love for this little person? I was teary, it was like an epiphany...not that I love this little girl (because that's nothing new), but that its so damn powerful. I had to stop looking at her because I would have been blubbering in front of lots of people (who would have thought it was for totally different reasons).
The Good Guy and I have discussed on many occasions what my role is in the lives of his children. He refers to me as a parent, and I have been uncomfortable with that term. I have always treaded lightly in that arena, as I don't want anyone to get the impression that I am trying to replace the children's mother. Though I'm not a big fan of many of her choices, I respect that the she does indeed love her children very much, and I don't want anyone to feel that I have a desire to threaten that bond-I truly do not. When Mother's Day rolled around this year, J (who is a mother of 2) sent me a text message wishing me a happy Mother's Day. When I responded that I'm not a mother, she said that there isn't a day honoring "daddy's girlfriend who holds my hair when I'm throwing up, and loves me and takes great care of me" so Mother's day is for me too. (Isn't she great? Talk about supportive friends and family!)
As I sat in that room, holding back tears, wanting to run up and wrap that beautiful little girl in my arms, tell her how much I love and support her, I made a decision...The Good Guy can call me a parent. My being termed 'parent' to that little girl (and her brother) threatens nobody. I am one more person who loves and cares about both of those kids unconditionally, and that shouldn't be threatening to anyone. They come to me when they're upset and need comfort, they share with me when they're excited, they learn ways to annoy their sibling from me, I hold hair and rub backs when stomach bugs attack, I know how they like their waffles, they want me to attend their important events, they give me random hugs and kisses, they know I'll do my darndest to make them happy...if that's not parenting, then what is?
I am grateful for the opportunity to share in the lives of those kids. I am grateful that I am capable of giving and receiving so much love. I am grateful that I have been influenced by a variety of people who have demonstrated how to love by loving me.
I am grateful that angry and venomous anonymous comments have no bearing in reality, and simply validate the lunacy and irrelevance of the person writing them ;-) yes, I know you stop by, and it matters not.
11 comments:
You are absolutely correct. You love them. They love you. It's as simple as that. Your love hurts nobody, and does immense good.
Plus, I love you too.
"rolled" has two Ls, and "sibling" only has one B.
Do you receive anonymous posts from her?
xoxo
2x4-She has not, but I have made comments on your blog that make it evident who I am...I am positive that she now patroles mine. Someone as angry as she is with too much time on their hands would do just that. My blog won't allow anonymous posts.
Thanks for the spelling corrections.
xoxo
Definitely. And they are lucky to have you. Such a nice story, great post.
I don't get anonymous posts from her, whoever that is...*ha* If it has to be said anonymously, then it probably shouldn't be said, right.
Wow, that was so powerfully written I even got teary eyed.
You have such a good attitude! I was always told to be grateful for what I have and you explained it perfectly.
And you are right, you loving those kids is nothing threatening to anyone secure enough in their love.
it is obvious you have that unconditional love for them so why not be a parent. Growing up I had multiple moms just because my dance teachers grew to love me like parents and it was never a threat.
excuse me - gotta go grab a tissue now
:)
Very nice post, WiP. There are more types of families than the traditional "nuclear" family. It sounds like you are a loving and positive force in these kids' lives. I know they say that blood is thicker than water, but love is stronger still.
Oh, I can't believe you'd get hateful messages! You're so sweet! Shame on them. Just know you got lots of friends (and fans) who love that you take the time to write and enrich our day to day lives.
Thanks!
Just to set the record straight, I don't get the comments, they're all directed at The Good Guy. He chooses to ignore them because they are clearly from a sad soul, but I wanted to address them on the off chance that the 'person' stops by to check my blog. The details are not mine to elaborate upon, and like shpprgrl said, if it's anonymous, it shouldn't be said, so I'll leave it at that.
Thank you all for your encouragement. I'm not perfect (far from it!) but I do try very hard to do right by those kids.
Rachel-If it makes you feel any better, I cried several times while writing the post, there was tissue involved. I'm an emotional chick, no doubt about it.
David-I'm so glad you happened upon my blog! I always look forward to your comments and your posts, they make me smile every time. Flattery will get you everywhere! THANK YOU!
What a beautiful post. Yes, you feel deeply the joy of parenting and deserve the title. I make it a point to call my girls stepmom every year on Mother's Day to thank her for loving my girls the way she does, and for her continued effort and love in what can at times be a thankless job.
And that overwhelmingly powerful love that you feel for those kids, and the blubbering in public - well, that's all part of it. Embrace it. You've earned it. :)
By the way, after reading your last post that referenced this book, I tired like mad to find it online with no luck. Can you tell me where you found it? I would absolutely love a copy. If you bought it ina small bookstore on your side of the country, maybe I can just contact the publisher.
Thanks!!
Steph-Thank you so much for your kindness. You have got to be an amazing person. I can make that assumption based solely on your attitude towards your ex-spouse and his new spouse. People like you are too few and far between.
I happened upon the book at a Barnes & Noble. It was a tiny display that I would have missed if I was in a hurry. The author is Sharon Marson and the publisher is actually Barnes & Noble...just found that out while checking for you. Good luck finding it. If you can't, let me know and I'll see if my local store still has one.
Thank you so much for what you said. I so appreciate the kindness of your statements. I think that after being bruised and battered, my decision was to just learn from it, dust myself off and pray that any love in my actions would be contagious.
If there were not 3,000 miles between us, I think we would be friends. I could teach you how to deal with ex-spouses while keeping your sanity intact, and you could teach me just about everything else. :)
By the way, thank you for the information on the book. I found it online and a copy is already on it's way! I can't wait to get it.
HOLY COW!
So, am I excited that the author of this book stopped by? *jumps up and down while arms flail violently* "Whatever"
But seriously...Ms. Marson, I am flattered that you've stopped by, and enjoyed my posts. Thank you for your flattering words of encouragement. And congratulations on creating a book that is so inspiring. I wish you oodles of success in the endeavor.
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