I have only one sibling who shares my blood. We have different fathers, but were for the most part raised in the same household by our mother and her second husband (my sister's father). I think, for the purpose of this post, that I will nickname my sister, Spaz. Spaz is about six years my junior and completely, totally, entirely different than I. After spending the day with her last week, I decided that I must devote a blog post to comparing and contrasting the two of us.
Spaz truly enjoys a good smoke now and again (or all the time). I mean both the legal and the illegal.
I have never tried the legal. Tried the illegal once. It was awful; I hated the whole damn experience, will never do it again.
Spaz can't go a day without discussing her bowel movements (in HORRIFIC detail) to anyone she happens to be around.
I don't discuss bowel movements. I close the door when I go in, I come out when I'm done. End of story.
Spaz is petite. She's like, a size 1. She walks like a damn HORSE!
I have struggled with my weight for my entire life. I have ranged between sizes 6 and 12. I do NOT walk like a horse.
Spaz (apparently) has a farting position. She shared this with me last week. Sometimes the gas needs assistance in getting out, so (for those of you interested) you should get on all fours, put your head and shoulders down, and stick your butt in the air. This gives the gas a clear path out through your back-end. I kid you not. She showed me the position.
I, if anything, have a hard time keeping the gas from coming out at embarrassing times.
Spaz will get out of the pool, drop trow in mom's back yard, squat, and relieve herself.
I will towel off and walk the ten feet to the house in order to use the restroom.
Spaz will order extra whipped cream on any dessert, ask for even more when it arrives, and proceed to shovel it into her mouth with a trowel. Half of it will end up hanging out of the corners of her mouth.
I generally go with the pre-determined amount of whipped topping, and take civilized bites.
Spaz will dip EVERYTHING in ranch dressing.
I don't really like ranch dressing.
Spaz knows a lot about wine and will spend fair amounts of money on good wine.
I know that inexpensive wines are frequently as good as the expensive stuff and stick to the cheap stuff unless Spaz is buying.
Spaz adds so much cream and sugar to her coffee that she ultimately drinks coffee flavored syrup.
I like cream and sugar in moderation, and will occasionally drink my java black.
Spaz will come into my home and plop down on my carpeted living room floor with every intention of trimming her toe nails.
I will yell at her for being gross and banish her to the bathroom, and when she emerges ask, "Did you clean up your mess?!" I will not trim my nails in someone else's home.
Spaz likes her men stocky with no necks.
I like my men trim, fit, and sexy in Levi's jeans.
Spaz likes Pugs.
I think if you're going to have a dog, it should be bigger than a cat.
Spaz is perfectly happy being a waitress. She makes good money, and enjoys her co-workers (several of them anyway).
I HATE waiting tables. I need the money. The hours are right. My co-workers are primarily a bunch of whine-asses with a lack of work-ethic. I'm counting down the days to when I no longer have to bring strangers their food.
Spaz can screw up even the most simple of art projects. Seriously, I didn't believe it until I saw it. It's unreal.
I live to be creative.
Spaz sowed her wild oats when she should have-during and right after high school.
I jumped into a committed relationship, got married, and divorced all before the age of 26-Wild oats still unsowed.
Spaz is perfectly content to go out into the world unshowered and run errands, visit, go out to eat or whatever else, all while being unbathed. (She's not a scum-bag or anything, she does shower)
I can't leave the house until I'm showered. I feel all icky and smelly.
Spaz would do anything in the world for me.
I would do the same for her.
Spaz loves me very much.
I feel the same about her.
I guess we're not entirely different.
8 comments:
You certainly are not the same. I love your sister, but I couldn't imagine marrying her in a million years. You on the other hand....
Spaz is the perfect pseudonymn for your sister, but I don't think you've devoted enough emphasis to her obsession with Ranch dressing. She stopped by while I was making dinner one evening and was invited to stay. I put her meal on the table and she asked if we had any. I opened a bottle from the fridge and handed it to her. She proceded to pour what looked like half the bottle on her plate. Being poor, we were watching the cost of groceries very tightly, and by the time she left that night there wasn't more than a few tablespoons in the bottom of the bottle.
Now when I know she's coming over I hide the Ranch. Once I stupidly hid it in the liquor cupboard. She found it within 60 seconds of entering our home.
Sounds like you two are different but the same all at once!
Spaz sounds like she would be a great younger brother. "A farting position?" I thought women didn't do that, LOL! It sounds like you're very fond of her in spite of the obvious differences, and I suppose that's all that really matters.
WOw ME and Spa have some stuff in common. That IS my farting position. I grocery shop before showering. I love Pugs (I have my Boris Pug) and am very petite.
THough I dont dip things in ranch dressing LOL>
Me and my brother are very very very different as well. Only he wouldnt do anything for me. He would do big stuff but not any favor or anything. He does not like me much. The only thing we have in common is our love for music.
Nice post! :)
I love this post. It makes me think of the differences between me and my two sisters, but also what we have in common. We are very close, which leads us to bicker about stupid things, but in the end not one sister goes to bed angry or upst and another. We cant fight seriously or we get all mushy and upset! Sigh...it reminds me of that song "Sisters" from "White Christmas" :) Hmmm. I like Spaz's taste in poochies. I personally love English Bullies myself...its the snout thing, I guess?
2x4-I forgot about the ranch in the liquor cupboard! That was pretty dumb, knowing my sister and all.
shpprgrl-The differences FAR out weigh the similarities, but yes we have some things in common
Cyber-In her defense, I tortured her as a child. I think I had a hand in who she has become, I was like the rotten older brother. I do indeed love her very much.
Neil-Are you telling me you like to drown perfectly good food in ranch?
Rachel-Spaz will definitely do the small stuff for me. For instance, she used to bring my co-workers and I Starbucks coffee all the time. All I had to do was call her and she'd take the order, and ten minutes later we'd all begin our caffeine highs.
She's decided against getting a pug since she found out they're prone to eye-balls popping out. Freaked her out.
Thursday-Aren't adult sibbling relationships a hoot? We have no rivalry, and we simply don't fight. I never thought of that until you mentioned it. huh.
And yeah, I sort of get the squished face thing. I think Boxers are cute...but they ARE bigger than a cat.
I love the differences and the similarites. I have to say I have never tried any kind of smoking either--however, I do love some ranch dressing. YUM! Aren't siblings the best??!!!!!
The thing I love most about having sisters is that we are all living, breathing expressions of each other, yet w/completely unique observations, outlooks and behaviours. I sometimes look at both of my sisters and I think, "wow. If I had developed just a shade more this way, or less that way--I might be just like her, or she me." We are all the best expressions of each other...
Fun post! Spaz sounds like a riot.
Post a Comment