It's no surprise to my readers that I loathe my job. I've certainly beaten a dead horse on the subject, but I have to rant this evening. Etiquette and common sense seem to be MIA in a wide array of people, and I need to write an open list of faux pas to potential diners out there. If you're offended, too bad. I'm not sorry.
1. If you take your kid out to a restaurant, and he/she needs a portable video game to keep him/her occupied or behaved, you're a lousy parent. It's not only rude, but pathetic. A family dinner should not need to involve electronics. Try interacting with your kids, like in the olden days.
2. Ok, my job is to bring you food and beverages. When I come to your table and say "Good evening folks!" Don't look at me in silence like I have three heads. This is formality. I'm being polite, and, just to give you a heads-up; the next question will be, "Can I start you off with some drinks this evening?" So, think ahead. I'm pretty damn demanding what with all the questions and everything.
3. If you're sitting near a baby who happens to be vocal, suck it up. Babies make noise. I'm not talking gut wrenching screaching (that is NOT okay, take the baby OUTSIDE) I'm talking loud giggles and the occasional happy squeel. Babies are allowed out in public too. Enjoy them, stop whining because they're too loud. Dominoes delivers pizza every night, stay home and enjoy the silence if babies bother you, loser.
4. When I pose the question, "How are you folks tonight?" an acknowledgment would be DANDY. A response of silence fills me with disdain. Remember, I have the power to spit in your food. Just be nice, that's all I ask.
5. If you are the last party in the restaurant, I can't go home until you leave. AND, when you leave, my work is not done. I still have to pick up after you and put up all of the chairs in the dining room. If you're going to linger, that's fine, just tip accordingly. My time is valuable, just like yours. I have a family, and a life, and bills to pay. Waiting for you is what I have to do, but keep in mind that I work for tips. I work my ASS off for tips. By the end of the night, I'm beat. Sticking around an extra hour for one table and 8 bucks is simply aggravating. I'll remember you. And I still have the power to spit in your food.
6. When you walk in the front door, and the hostess is not there, she's seating someone and she'll be back shortly. Approaching the first person you see, (like a waitress with a tray full of food over her shoulder who is walking rather quickly like she has somewhere TO BE) and telling her that you have two for dinner isn't going to get you anything, she's busy, and that's not her job. Patience people, patience.
7. It's okay to leave more than twenty percent when your bill comes to $15 and you occupied a table for two hours. I'm just sayin, don't feel obligated to keep the tip below three dollars, it's okay to bump it up to a 5 spot, I won't get upset.
8. See this big thing called a tray that I'm carrying? It's covered with hot food and heavy plates. Please keep your child from running between my legs. I'm klutzy enough contending with my own two feet, your kid's feet aren't helping me any, do you really want your kid to be burned with a cracked skull? No? I didn't think so.
9. Verbal tips don't pay my bills. I appreciate you telling me that the service was excellent and the food very good, and that you'll be back, really, I do. But when I open the book and see that you've left me 10 percent, I can't go to my landlord and say, "Here's half the rent, but table 93 said that I gave them excellent service!"
10. I'm human. I make mistakes, and I forget things. When I do, I will apologize profusely, and I will do my best to make it right. When I screw up and it effects my tip, I get that. Fair enough. But, don't be a jerk. That won't get either of us anywhere. Like you've never screwed up? PLLLLLease!
For the record, I have never spit in food. It never occurs to me to do so, I guess I'm just too nice. I will say that I have waited on a variety of people who not only deserve it, but are begging for a nice loogy in their dinner, however, I haven't gone that far. Yet. Just remember that when you dine out, the person bringing your food is a human being, not your slave. He or she may be on the verge of a breakdown and they are in control of items which are entering your digestive track. Be nice. Is that so hard, really? It goes a long way. Almost as far as a good tip.
FYI, I'm too tired and lazy to spell check this evening, so I apologize for any gramatical errors that you may unearth.
Well then, I feel a little better. Too bad I have to do it all over again tomorrow. Four more months, I graduate in four. more. months....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
10 comments:
If you makes you feel any better, black polyester pants make your butt look H-O-T! I make a point of never tipping less than $5 for anything, regardless of how small the bill is. As far as I'm concerned, 20% is only a starting point. Unless I see hair that matches the waitresses in my food, or I have to ask for something three times, I'll never leave less that that. Frequently more.
(BTW, the word is "degestive TRACT")
Oh, you deserve a medal. Actually, you just deserve more money. I've so been there, and I know it's a tiring and thankless job. I think it should be a requirement for college graduation that every young adult must wait tables for at least six months. Teach them humility, graciousness and how to think on their feet. Literally.
Like 2x4, I think 20% is just a starting point. You almost have to have experienced it to get it.
On a different note, I read your comment on John's blog and I would not only be happy to send you a little sampling of my paper, but it would be my pleasure. If you feel safe about it, send me your address to queenb5080@yahoo.com and tell me your favorite color too! :) I've never been under suspicion for stalking before so don't worry. Promise. ;)
2x4-Stupid pants don't make me look hot, they just make my butt sweat, but thanks for the compliment. I know you're a good tipper and that 20% is a starting point, I'm the same way (as you know) sadly, you and I are in the minority. I though it was tract, but I think track works too.
xoxo
Steph- I am in complete agreement. I used to say that in order to dine in a restaurant it should be required that you have worked in one for a period of time. People really don't get it.
I'm SOOOO emailing you. I'll be in touch!
I agree wholeheartedly with you. I was once a waiter at a fairly high end restaurant for a time and I can vouch for a lot of the points you're making here. People seem to think that once they step foot through the door that suddenly they are the king/queen of that domain, hence making everyone else their servant. People that wait on people are generally some of the warmest, caring, and helpful individuals. Sadly, their patrons can be complete idiots. My hat's off to you for sticking to it as long as you have. Way to go!!
I hate it when diners complain about the food to a waiter/waitress. The last time I checked, you were not back there preparing the meal. Like its your fault the mashed potatoes are only lukewarm? Sigh. So what restaurant will you go out to to celebrate your graduation in four months? ;)
Oh and by the way, 2x4...it's "dIgestive tract" not degestive :)
Um, Scary Waitress, when it's your turn to have the fam over for Thanksgiving dinner... remind me, several times, to be on my best behavior. My very best.
(p.s., you are hilarious)
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
I am totally laughing with you because I used to work in retail and people are no better, nicer or less stupid when shopping, than they are when eating out! It's like, because they are spending money, they all lose theirs minds or something...
You exercise a lot of restraint not spitting in anyone's food. I never would do it, but the mere thought of it...heehee. I have, once or twice, flat refused to help rude clients...
PS: THE customer is NOT always right!! =-)
Having waitressed in my younger days, I do feel your pain and understand all that you've said. Working in retail in not much different, as ryane attested to. You put it all into words so well, WIP!
Good for you! It amazes me how people think they can belittle and talk down to a waitress.
Having been a waitress myself, I can assure you I did indeed paste a smile on my face as I served the obnoxious pig who never left a tip while her kids made a disgusting mess of the table and floor. Trust me, I got plenty of satisfaction through food and drink retaliation. It was better than a tip.
These folks should always keep in mind, their food is in hands behind a wall they can not see.
Post a Comment