I was involved in an incident today which left my sister hysterically laughing in a bathroom stall. In order for everyone to understand the level of hysteria she reached, I must give you a little background story.
The Good Guy (henceforth to be referred to as '2x4' because typing 'The Good Guy' has gotten REALLY old) generally takes his cell phone into the bathroom with him when he showers. If you want to know why you'll have to ask him, I'm not sure. One morning whilst 2x4 was showering I had to use the facilities. As I passed the vanity my arm brushed his phone (which was precariously placed on the edge of the vanity closest to the toilet) and it fell into the toilet. The kerplunk sound was quickly followed by my emitting "CRAP!" and reaching in after it. As I pulled it out of the water its lights went off, and it never fully recuperated. I will never live this down. The cell phone/toilet incident has lived on in infamy.
Today my sister and I needed to use the facilities in the mall prior to shopping. I decided that today wasn't a hovering day so I grabbed one of those tissue paper seat cover things and was placing it on the seat when KERPLUNK! Before my eyes my sunglasses dislodged themselves from their resting place hooked to my shirt and fell INTO THE TOILET! AAAAARGH!
Ok, I'll admit that for a split second I considered going in after them. A microsecond. Then I just yelled a profanity and stared in shock at my sunglasses resting in the bottom of the stupid dirty public toilet. DAMN IT!
My sister (who was in the next stall over) was laughing so hard that she couldn't speak. She came out of her stall all red and gulping for air. She made several comments about how it wouldn't be nearly as funny if I hadn't been involved in the cell phone incident.
Whatever.
Then, more people came into the bathroom. We barely contained our laughter as we washed our hands while watching them do that thing where you open several stalls in order to determine which is the cleanest. Each person stopped with a quizzical look at the stall I had abandoned with the toilet seat tissue and sunglasses still in place.
So, I text messaged 2x4. I told him that I need new sunglasses because I dropped mine in the J.C.Penny's toilet.
His response: Loser. Stop dropping things in toilets.
I now must accept the fact that this is one of those stories that will haunt me forever, like the time I misspelled my own name.
9 comments:
Oh WIP....I am laughing with you, not at you, because I have done this before!! I dropped one of my favorite silver hoop earrings into a public toilet and as I am standing there--laughing hysterically--watching the damn thing wink back up at me from the watery depths of the public loo, my closest friend knocks on my stall door--you know, wondering why I am laughing.
I tell her, she demands to come into the stall. I let her in, she holds out her hand, I give her the other damn hoop earring and she veryvery ceremoniously throws it into the toilet after the first one and then turns around to leave--saying, "Well, fuck it!".
I laughed so hard I coulnt't even pee.
She still reminds me of this incident to this day--7 years later
What a fun story you have there!!
Damn I needed that laugh!
Thank you so much.
I once dropped, "The last doobie of the best weed" in the tank.
Think I ever lived that down. Nope.
OMG, that's hilarious... another porcelin mishap involved an ex-girlfriend who accidentally dropped her car keys in the toilet...it was an automatic flush and they sucked them away. We had to call a locksmith just to get in the car!
Ryane-Oh my goodness did we laugh! My sister couldn't contain herself for the rest of the afternoon. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one something like this has happened to! At least we both had company to share in the moment.
CP-I'm glad I could oblige. Come back for more, my life is a comic strip.
David-Your toilet story beats mine hands-down. The Keys?! I would have been in the bathroom hysterically laughing/crying as I tried to figure out what the hell to do next. Thanks for sharing, I feel much better now.
I had a similar thing happen to me once. Only it was in one of those port-a-potties. No shit!! (Pun intended:) I was at my son's soccer game which was being played in a schoolyard on a weekend so they had a portable outhouse.
Well, I'd gone in and done what I had to do, and as I turned to leave I heart a thud like something solid had just hit the plastic. As I turned to see what it could have been, I could see my cell phone disappearing into the...well, you get the picture!
When I got back to the sidelines with the rest of the parents, I told a couple of my friends what had just happened and a woman piped up,"Ooooh gross! Did you try to save it?!" I just gave her a look that said, Um, I don't think so lady!
Even had that phone not immediately sunk out of sight, would I have ever been desperate enough to WANT to use it?!
The message on my new phone went something like this: " Hi, this is John, I got a new phone. My old phone is going through a lot of shit right now."
So, you are not alone. And 'Kerplunk' is a great title, by the way!! :)
I am a big-time klutz but I haven't dropped anything down a potty....yet.
Hearing your story makes me realize it CAN happen and probably will.
Too funny! I'm laughing with you, not at you by the way.. :)
Thanks for sharing your story!
Oh my! I am going to be much more careful when around toilets. The worst that I have done is go to take one of those good pills that need to be taken every day to keep the world from overpopulation and I dropped it and watched it go down the sink-- of course, that was easily fixed with me going "screw it" and taking the next one in the pack just like the directions say.
Oh...bless all of those who said they're laughing with you and not at you, because I'm just laughing at ya!! :) LOVE 2x4's response!!
John-THAT is a funny story. Thanks for sharing. Really, who the hell would even consider reaching into the depths of blue liquid and human sewage? bleck!
shpprgrl-If you're a klutz like me then beware! Those damn toilets are an accident waiting to happen!
Kels- I love this, "good pills that need to be taken every day to keep the world from overpopulation" nice description!
Steph-Yeah, laugh it up! You just wait, your turn will come! And yup, that 2x4, he's a laugh-riot ;-)
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